LUC’s 18 Most Anticipated Films of 2017

Now that ten percent of 2017 is out of the way, it seemed as good a time as any to fire up our valve-driven, cold-war era artificial intelligence driven Anticipation-ometer, so that it can tell us which future cinematic releases we should be most excited about. Pausing only to feed in few parameters to ensure that all sequels, re-makes and re-boots were ignored, we donned our hazmat suits, engaged the cooling rods and switched the power on. After several minutes of buzzing noise, flying sparks and minor radiation poisoning, a stack of glowing metal discs were ejected,  each etched with a burst of binary data. When decoded and translated from Russian, the information formed the list following below…

One: Catfight

I guess we’re not going to be short of satires about the Unite States in the next few years. This one apparently skewers the nature of American society through the medium of an ongoing conflict between two women who really want to destroy each other and have an ongoing series of punch ups – sort of like Ridley Scott’s The Duellists. A bit.

 

Two: Colossal

Anne Hathaway is an alcoholic who is somehow controlling a giant monster that is causing Godzilla style chaos in Korea.

 

Three: The Modern Ocean

A new film from the enigmatic Shane Carruth, who made Primer and Upstream Color. Not much info yet, but let’s be honest, it is bound to be brilliant. This meagre description and an epic cast list is all we have so far:

“The storyline revolves around vengeance and the fierce competition for valuable shipping routes and priceless materials that converge in a spectacular battle on the rolling decks of behemoth cargo ships.”

Four: Prevenge

Alice Lowe’s film about a pregnant woman whose unborn child seems to encourage her to go on some sort of killing spree. Out very soon and apparently very good indeed.

 

Five: The Masterpiece

Franco’s film about the making of The Room, features a contractually unavoidable cameo by Tommy Wiseau. I bet that day of filming was fun, in a suicidal sort of way.

Six: Bitch

Could be a bit dark:

Bitch follows a trapped housewife and mother’s descent into insanity. Ignored by her philandering executive husband Bill, Jill finally breaks down, assuming a vicious canine persona and living down in the family’s basement, on all fours.” – Allegedly based on a real life case.

Seven: I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore

Made by Macon Blair who was in Blue Ruin and Green Room, this seems to have a similar theme of unfortunately escalating violent drama, but maybe with a slightly more comedic thread running through it. Frodo looks especially mad.

 

Eight: You Were Never Really Here

Not much info yet, but it is based on a rather good short story by Jonathan Ames about an ex military type investigator sent to rescue a girl from a cult. Joaquin Phoenix is in it, so hopefully it will be like a good version of Inherent Vice.

Nine: KUSO

Has caused walkouts and controversy, so instantly interesting but possibly very, very hard work. If you want to delve into the nastiness, there is an article on Verge about how this is the grossest film ever made.

 

Ten: Get Out

Tea Leaf from Psychoville goes for what looks like a racially awkward Meet The Parents weekend, which turns into some kind of escalating, racist-horror nightmare. When they were making it, I’m sure it seemed like a far fetched satire – by the time it comes out, it may seem more like a documentary.

 

Eleven: Bushwick

The southern states of the US decide to secede from the union and decide to invade New York to make their point. All manner of hilarity ensues. Again, something that started as an outrageous civil war version of Red Dawn, buy now looks like an eerily realistic prediction for the future.

 

Twelve: Free Fire

Ben Wheatley’s stagey looking shootout in a warehouse, could go either way but has a bunch of cool people involved and a nice line in sweary comedic unpleasantness in the trailer, so probably worth a punt.

 

Thirteen: The Sisters Brothers

An adaptation of Patrick deWitt’s brilliant book (which itself seemed to be based on an alternate universe Coen Brothers film) – telling the episodic story of two old-west killers and their involvement in an unusual prospecting scheme. The brothers are played by John C. Reilly and Joaquin Phoenix. Which seems about right.

Fourteen: Okja

Hopefully this will get more of an airing than Bong Joon-ho’s previous movie, Snowpiercer, which the Weinstein organisation went to all sorts of lengths to keep away from audiences in the UK. The story concerns a young girl protecting a giant creature from an evil corporation – no more info at the time of writing – bound to be worth checking out though.

Fifteen: The Discovery

Set in a world where the existence of an afterlife has been scientifically proven, everyone is killing themselves to get there. Sounds very similar to the idea of one of the stories from Chuck Palahniuk’s Haunted to me. But still, it is an interesting idea and at least has the potential to explore some deeper ideas than the deluge of comic book crap coming out in 2017.

 

Sixteen: Mute

Duncan Jones’ future-noir flick which is supposed to be set in the same fictional universe as Moon. Definitely seems to have a cyberpunky/Blade Runner thing going on. The plot concerns a bartender searching for his missing girlfriend in a neon soaked futuristic Berlin. I think everybody wants this to be good.

mute main.jpg

 

Seventeen: The Death Of Stalin

New film from Armando Ianucci of Thick Of It, Veep and In The Loop fame. Some of this was filmed at a London council office which makes this not only an exciting cinematic proposition, but also probably the most interesting thing to happen in UK local government in the last thirty years.

Eighteen: Nobody Speak

Documentary about how the website Gawker was brought to ruined by the legal case bought by Hulk Hogan over the publishing of a sex tape in which he made a starring appearance. The intriguing part is how Hogan’s case was bankrolled by the hyper rich Peter Thiel who had a previous grievance against the site for outing him. The whole thing looks like a test case for the fate of the free press in the US in the face of a bunch of litigious oligarchs. Hopefully there is no actual Hogan on-the-job footage involved.

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