LUC Briefing 007: Monsters

NEWT
My mommy always said there were no monsters – no real ones – but there are.

RIPLEY
Yes, there are, aren’t there?

NEWT
Why do they tell little kids that?

RIPLEY
Most of the time it’s true.

The next LUC Briefing will be on the subject of: Music

 

i. Kim Jong Il’s Monster Movie

From an article on Vanity Fair:

“There were thousands dying in North Korea,” Fischer wrote via e-mail, “but at the same time here comes Kim Jong Il, and his idea of advancing the regime’’s purposes is to kidnap two South Korean filmmakers, trick some Japanese film crew members, drown them all in gifts and luxury, to play with rubber monster suits and make a Godzilla rip-off.”

kim-jong-il-godzilla-pulgasari-movie

LINK: http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2015/04/pulgasari-north-korea-cult-hit

ii. Operating Jabba The Hutt

According to the marvellous short documentary “Slimy Piece of Worm-Ridden Filth – Life Inside Jabba the Hutt”, being one of the several puppeteers who operated Jabba The Hutt in Return Of The Jedi was even less fun than you may have imagined it would be…

iii. King Kong Lives (With a Computerised Heart)

Plot synopsis from Wikipedia of the 1986 sequel to the lamentable 1976 version of King Kong:

220px-Kingkonglives.jpg“King Kong, after being shot down from the World Trade Center, is kept alive in a coma for about 10 years at the Atlanta Institute, under the care of surgeon Dr. Amy Franklin (Linda Hamilton). In order to save Kong’s life, Dr. Franklin must perform a heart transplant and give Kong a computer-monitored artificial heart. However, he lost so much blood that a transfusion is badly needed, and to complicate matters, Franklin says there is no species of ape or other animal whose blood type matches Kong’s. Enter adventurer, and eventual love interest, Hank “Mitch” Mitchell (Brian Kerwin), who goes to Borneo (Mitchell theorizes that Borneo and the island from the first movie were once part of the same landmass) and captures a giant female gorilla who is dubbed “Lady Kong.” Mitchell brings her to the Institute so her blood can be used for King Kong’s operation. The transfusion and the heart transplant are a success, but Kong escapes along with Lady Kong.”

If you really want to, you can watch the trailer here:

iv. The Gingerdead Man

Is anyone genuinely surprised that when it came to casting a psychotic, murdering cake monster, the producers turned to Gary Busey?

v. Zombie Movies Are a Metaphor for the State of Society

Monstrous creatures and characters can often be explained as metaphors for exploring the worries and concerns of the author or filmmaker that created them.

Vampires are all about sex, alien invasions stories are often grounded in xenophobia and racism and the monsters in Troll 2 are literally an embodiment of the evils of vegetarianism.

Zombies seem to be more of a (slowly) moving target. Previously used as a critique of our blind consumerist nature, Zombie movies have changed since the turn of the millennium to express more contemporary fears and anxieties. All is explained in this article on Wired:

“This continues a long and distinguished history of zombie themes standing in for au courant topics like slave rebellion, communism, über-capitalism, technophobia, and globalization. However, how zombie tales—and their fans—deal with these issues has proven as problematic as, well, the problems themselves.”

Link: https://www.wired.com/2013/06/world-war-z-zombie-messages/

vi. Werner Herzog vs The Loch Ness Monster

Expressed as an equation:

Incident At Loch Ness = (Exit Trough The Gift Shop + Jaws) x (Grizzly Man / The Blair Witch Project)

Incident at Loch Ness film crew.jpg

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSN_l9fVALU

vii. Godzilla & Godzooky

Producer Joseph Barbera putting a brave face on things:

“The problem with the show was simply this: When they start telling you in Standards and Practices, ‘Don’t shoot any flame at anybody, don’t step on any buildings or cars,’ then pretty soon, they’ve taken away all the stuff he represents. That became the problem, to maintain a feeling of Godzilla and at the same time cut down everything that he did. We managed to get a fair show out of it. It was OK. Godzooky kind of got the kids going.”

viii. The Patterson Bigfoot Film Stabilised

Someone has spent ages stabilising the famous bigfoot home movie footage – but conjecture as to whether it is real or not still continues…

Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 16.52.34.png

Article with videos at: http://www.relativelyinteresting.com/heres-what-the-bigfoot-patterson-gimlin-film-looks-like-when-its-stabilized/

LUC Briefing 005: Money

“Money Is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons”

– Woody Allen

“You gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women. ”

– Tony Montana, Scarface

“I’m living in America, and in America, you’re on your own. America’s not a country. It’s just a business. Now fucking pay me.”

– Jackie Cogan, Killing Them Softly
The next LUC Briefing will be on the subject of… Fashion

 

i. The Queen Of Versailles

A bizarrely fascinating documentary about the family of an unpleasant timeshare billionaire who have hit (relatively) hard times. Can loads of money make you happy? Apparently not.

ii. Margot Robbie’s Unfortunate Paper Cuts

From an article on The Daily Beast

“If anyone is ever planning on having sex on top of a pile of cash: don’t. Or maybe real money is a bit softer”

Link: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/01/08/margot-robbie-on-the-wolf-of-wall-street-and-the-perils-of-having-sex-on-top-of-a-pile-of-cash.html

iii. Do Tax Breaks Lead to Deliberately Bad films?

The whole sorry tale of Uwe Boll, his terrible, terrible video game adaptations and the complexities of German tax write-offs is akin to The Producers, but with all the jokes taken out and replaced by evasive accounting practices. There is still an annoying, dictatorial figure involved though.

Uwe-boll-finger

Link: http://www.cinemablend.com/features/Uwe-Boll-Money-For-Nothing-209.html

iv. Maths and the Weight of Money Ruin the Plausibility of Fast Five

From an article on vulture.com

“In other words, after 15 seconds of acceleration, the pair would be dragging the vault at only 2.3 miles per hour. According to a quick mental calculation, 2.3 mph < 50 mph. By a lot.”
fats 5 phsics

Link: http://www.vulture.com/2013/05/could-the-fast-5-safe-heist-happen-in-real-life.html

v. The severe cost of Hollywood Film Production

One of the most illuminating things about this breakdown of what it cost to produce the 2014 version of Annie isn’t the $11 million tax break or Cameron Diaz’s $7.5 million fee – what caught my attention was that the titles cost $101,500. I’d have done it for half that…

Link: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/sites/default/files/custom/Meena/THR33-money3-AnnieCost.jpg

vi. Remember when The KLF Burnt A Million Pounds?

It seems almost quaint now, but the pop charts used to be home to the sort of mad situationist art terrorists who would quite happily troop off to a remote Scottish island and film themselves burning a million quid. It seems unlikely that Ed Sheeran will be doing something like this any time soon.

vii. Trying To Make Your Millions On Youtube Sounds Like No Fun At All

From an article on Cracked:

“There’s practically no difference between being an up-and-coming ‘tuber and a disaffected middle-of-the-rung ‘tuber. You’re producing the types of content that get good numbers, but from a corporate perspective, you’re too small to justify sponsorship. You’re in the same financial position as before, but with the added complication that your decent-sized following now recognizes you and judges your every twitch.”

Link: http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-becoming-youtube-celebrity-minefield-dicks/

viii. The Money Gun

Too lazy or too cool to throw your money at people manually? There’s a solution for that. Just think of the time this could have saved the Bullingdon club back in the day. Also a sensitive and playful foreplay accoutrement – what woman wouldn’t like to be treated like a stripper by a man with a toy gun?

money gun

Link: http://www.themoneyguns.com/