LUC Briefing 009: Animals

“Animals give me more pleasure through the viewfinder of a camera than they ever did in the crosshairs of a gunsight.”
– James Stewart

“Animals have never betrayed me. They are an easy prey, as I have been throughout my career. So we feel the same. I love them.”
– Brigitte Bardot

“Do you know what I love about hunting? That I am no one in the woods, no one at all. I thought the animals might recognise me, but they didn’t. They did not even ask me for any autographs.”
-Zlatan Ibrahimovic

The next LUC Briefing will be on the subject of: Cities

i. Pound

Source of one of LUC’s favourite pieces of music (as playing in the video below), Pound is a film from 1970 about dogs waiting to be put down. The twist being that the dogs are all played by human actors, including the director’s son, one Robert Downey Jr…

VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfceSj5koBo

ii. All the stop motion creatures from the world of Steve Zissou

Eschewing bland-looking CGI imagery, Wes Anderson commissioned stop motion genius Henry Selick to make all the fantastical creatures for The Life Aquatic, here is a video summary…

LINK: https://vimeo.com/9160689

iii. Roar – The most dangerous movie ever made

From an article on IndieWire:

“Some of the injuries sustained in the course of production: cinematographer Jan de Bont was scalped, requiring 220 stitches; Griffith was mauled by a lion, which required facial reconstructive surgery; an A.D. narrowly escaped death when a lion missed his jugular by an inch; Hedren, who was also attacked by birds on the set of “The Birds,” endured a fractured leg and multiple scalp wounds; and Marshall himself was wounded so many times that he was hospitalized with gangrene.”

iv. Bronholme The Leamington Underhamster

bronholme.jpg

The bunker’s latest recruit, in addition to being a syrian refugee is also a liviing homage to *that* amazing scene in the 1988 film Taffin. For full context please consult this excerpt from Adam & Joe

v. The Monkey In The Order Of The Black Eagle

An outrageously terrible and terribly watchable spy/action flick from 1987, The Order Of The Black Eagle compresses every James Bond trope into a cinematic meat grinder and then squeezes out the kind of film sausage that you know you shouldn’t really be consuming.  Giving probably the most restrained and believable performance of the whole cast, Boon The Baboon is a dapper primate, equally at home in a dinner jacket or driving his own Baboon sized tank. Mostly though he makes a sort of ‘up yours’ gesture at regular intervals.

Screen Shot 2017-04-21 at 12.12.37.png

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c02N39OKfL4

Full film: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqJadw0UdW8

vi. Eating a live octopus for Oldboy

From an AV Club article full of examples of how the film industry has violently messed with animals over the years, for the sake of our entertainment.

“There’s no CGI or fakery involved—getting that shot meant the actor had to eat four live octopuses in a row. It was a problematic requirement for Choi, a practicing Buddhist; he explained in interviews that he had to pray for each octopus, and in the behind-the-scenes video below, he apologizes to one of them before a take. It’s a kind sentiment, but still a horrible way to die.”

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lv_OxuZzIxY

vii. Thomas Edison – What A Jerk

To win arguments about the benefits of Direct Current vs Alternating Current, Thomas Edison would electrocute just about any animal he could get his hands on, then film it, then charge people to watch the film. Suddenly Zack Snyder doesn’t seem so bad. This short film outlines his general arseholery on the matter…

viii. Some cute pandas playing on a slide

In contrast to the barbaric treatment that the film industry has dished out to animals in the past, new media seems intent on celebrating the more endearing attributes of our four legged friends. Indeed cute animal videos are beginning to endanger pornography’s reign as the main purpose for the world wide web. Using precise scientific methods we have determined that this is probably the best example.